See ya 2013!

I always write an Old Year/New Year post, and it’s typically long, jumbled, and possibly somewhat boring, but it’s also my way of processing the old year, and welcoming what’s to come.  So, if you’re sitting at home, avoiding laundry and housework, and need a reprieve from the daily chaos, read on.  What follows is a wrap-up of random thoughts.  Here we go…

  • Sunday, as I was waiting for my hair color to work its magic, I transferred birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates from my 2013 calendars to my 2014 calendars (one of which I bought for half price because I waited until the last minute).  As I was carefully writing in the upcoming events, I thought about how wonderful it is that each January, we get the opportunity to reflect on the past year, and start all over with a new year.  I don’t really make resolutions, but I do have a few goals.  I will share those at some random point in this blog.
  • 2013 was filled with both blessings and frustrations for us.  Health-wise, it was a tough year.  Last spring, I had the flu, and stomach bug, and then six weeks worth of eye infections.  The entire year I dealt with knee problems that resulted in surgery in August.  It isn’t completely healed, but I am hopeful that it will continue to get stronger, the pain will continue to lessen, and eventually I will return to my running routine in 2014.  Gary had to have hernia surgery, and Addison had (and continues to have) foot problems.  Because of changes to our health insurance (that are infuriating), my rates have doubled, AND we went from a $500 deductible to a $3000 deductible in 2014, so I pray for good health because we can’t afford to be sick.  We will limit trips to the doctor to dire emergencies, and suffer through all other illnesses.  We are educated, middle-class working people who can no longer afford to go to the doctor.  There’s something wrong with that.
  • Blessings…We added two members to our family in 2013!  Gary’s son Bryce was married to Krista in October.  It was an amazing weekend in Lake Tahoe.  Krista is a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and adventurous young woman, and we are thrilled to welcome her.  We also welcomed a new grandson in December.  Rhett Cail was born December 15, and we met him the following weekend.  He is a beautiful little boy just like his brother Layne and his cousin Gabe.

A Perfect Lake Tahoe Wedding

A Perfect Lake Tahoe Wedding

  • Rhett Wayne Cail December 15, 2013

    Rhett Wayne Cail
    December 15, 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • 2013 was a year of travel for Gary and me.  We went to Virginia Beach, Chicago, Atlanta, Kansas, and Lake Tahoe, and we added some short trips to Indy, Northern Indiana, Louisville, and Nashville.  We are fortunate that our family has chosen great vacations spots in which to live.  We won’t be traveling as much in 2014, but are grateful for the experiences we had.  In our eleven years together, Gary and I have had some awesome trips.  Most included the girls, some were just the two of us.  I am so grateful that we enjoy being together and have had some great opportunities.  I look forward to many more!
  • We also added to our family by hosting an exchange student from Germany.  Benita was already in Tell City and a student at our high school.  She had been placed with a couple who had no kids at home, and was new to our town. Because they knew no one, they wouldn’t let Benita do anything with anyone.  The poor girl was miserable.  She came to stay with us in November, and has truly been a blessing.  We have learned a lot about Germany, have enjoyed lots of chocolate, and have loved getting to know this amazing girl who, at only 16, chose to move away from her family for a year to experience America.  She will be with us until the end of May, and I already dread telling her good-bye.  On the bright side, with any luck we will one day visit her in Germany.
Our day in Nashville

Our day in Nashville

  • Along with my knee issues came weight gain.  As of this morning, I am within one pound of my pre-exercise-running-Tabata-healthier-eating weight from 2009.  I knew I would gain weight when I had surgery and could not exercise for six weeks.  After four plus years of exercising four to seven days a week, it was inevitable.  But I also thought that once I jumped back into my workout routines, the pounds would melt away.  They didn’t.  Not. One. Pound.  Finally, when December hit, I decided to not worry about it until after the holidays.  Given my love of baking – and eating what I bake – I knew it was pointless to try to shed weight during the best eating month of the year.  And so I gained another few pounds.  Right now, I am so disgusted with myself.  I worked so hard to get in shape and get to my ideal weight, and now I have to start all over.  My clothes don’t fit, I feel gross, and working out is hard.  Because I am so short, an extra eight pounds makes a huge difference.  I have two new dresses I can’t even wear until I lose the weight because they accentuate my belly flab.  Since they are winter dresses, I am going to have to make progress quickly.  Gary and I went grocery shopping Sunday and bought only healthy food.  I threw away the chocolate caramel cake that we left, gave away cookies, and refrained from baking more (even though I am dying to use my new Kitchenaid Mixer).  I have to get a grip.  I also hope to add more running to my routine because it seems to help me keep my weight down better than any other form of exercise.  I have been teaching five classes a week at the gym for the past two months, so I really haven’t had time to run as much as I like.  Enough on that – I will keep you posted.
I NEED TO RUN!

I NEED TO RUN!

  • Another goal for 2014 is to be more in the present.  I spend too much time on Facebook, and need to spend that time reading a book or chatting with my family.  I completely enjoy Facebook because many of my friends and family members live away, and it is a great way to keep up.  I love seeing their pictures, sharing my pictures, and being motivated by the fitness groups to which I belong.  But I love my family more.  I know it won’t be easy, but I will cut back on computer time, or at least spend some of that time keeping up with my blogs rather than mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.
  • I want to get some bills paid off.  I am still working on my hospital bills from August, so that is my first goal.  I also have some added credit card debt from Christmas, so that’ll be next.  I am going to keep my checkbook balanced and stick with my budget.  We finally took a leap and got rid of our home phone, and I have looked for other ways to cut monthly bills.  I think I have scaled back all I can (without causing an uprise in our family).
  • I want to nurture friendships and gently let go of relationships that cause stress.  I value my friends, and would do anything for them.  I pride myself on being a good listener, keeping confidences, and being honest.  I expect the same in return.  I am blessed with some amazing friends, and hope I never disappoint them.  I have also learned that even at our age, there are still those who choose friends based on their social statuses, what benefits they will gain from those friendships, and how it looks to others.  I care about none of that.  I choose my friends based on their character, their sense of humor, and how they treat people.  And my life is so much better because of it!

Friends!

Friends who would stand in the pouring rain to support one another!

Friends who would stand in the pouring rain to support one another!

  • Life is a gigantic lesson, and I believe we need to keep on listening and learning until we take our last breaths.  While we need to know where we stand, we also need to listen because sometimes our opinions can change.  We need to be accepting of others, and gentle with our words.  We need to let go of relationships that are no longer healthy, and hang on tightly to those that matter.  We need to love everyone, but that doesn’t mean we have to like everyone.  But we need to make our own judgments and not judge others based upon what we hear – what ‘they’ say.
    Words to live by...

    Words to live by…

    We have to – and this is big – work to positively influence our youth.  We need to encourage them to work hard, to follow their dreams, and to know that character is just as important as intelligence.  We need to model being good citizens, talk to them about our world, and show them how to treat others.  Our children are reflections of us.  Teach them well.

Some of our influence actually worked!

Some of our influence actually worked!

I wish for all of you a happy, healthy 2014.  I hope to continue with my writing, and it would help me greatly if you would share this with your friends if you enjoy reading my random thoughts.  I would also like to add some followers.  Thanks for reading.  Happy New Year from our family to yours!

Bethany, Chris, Tamara, Krista, Bryce, Gary, Me, Addie

Bethany, Chris, Tamara, Krista, Bryce, Gary, Me, Addie

Three Months Post-Op

I can’t believe it’s been three months since my knee surgery.  When I was still in pain, time seemed to move at a snail’s pace, but lately the weeks are flying by.  With each new week, my knee and leg feel stronger.  If I have a hard workout, I might still limp, but I don’t mind because I am so happy to have worked out.

Today I ran six miles!  I haven’t run that far in so long,; it felt awesome to be out on a gorgeous fall day, running with a good friend.  This good friend, Debbie, asked me to run a relay marathon in December, and since running a relay is on my running bucket list, I decided to try it.  Besides, having an upcoming race keeps me motivated to work runs into my busy schedule.  Debbie has only run six miles a few times, and I hadn’t since April, so this was an important run for both of us.  We started out fast – too fast – and slowed a little each mile.  Since speed was not our goal, our time did not matter.  I need to build up my endurance before I can even think about speed………….I can type that, and in my head I know it, but admittedly, on short runs I am trying to run faster.  I know it isn’t smart, but I want to get back to where I was, and I don’t want to take the long, arduous route.  I just want to be there.

Debbie and I finished strong!  We ran three miles, and then walked about four blocks, and then we ran the last three.  It was a great run!  Debbie hasn’t been running long, but I think I see a half marathon in her future.  I don’t know if she realizes how convincing I can be, but I am going to work on her.

I am thrilled to be running again.  It has become so much a part of who I am, and life without running seemed a little empty.  Running makes me feel strong; it makes me feel confident; and it makes me feel calm.  It also helps me keep my weight down, and right now I need to run about ten miles a day.  I expected to gain weight after surgery, but I also expected to lose it when I got back into my exercise routine.  That hasn’t happened.  In the four weeks that I have been back to working out five or six days a week, I haven’t lost a pound.  Not one freakin’ pound.  How is that even mathematically possible?  I know I am burning up calories; sometimes I work out two or three times a day.  I am not eating any more than I did after surgery.  I didn’t even buy Halloween candy (which I love).  It is incredibly frustrating.  This week is going to be better.   Those of you who attend my Zumba classes know that means your classes will be kick-ass!

I was reminded this week, once again, of how precious life is, and how it can change in an instant.  Embrace life.  Take care of your health, if not for yourself, do it for your family; set an example for your kids and grandkids.  Love deeply your friends and family.  And tell them.  Let the little annoyances go, and appreciate their unique personalities.  Live in the moment.  Don’t dwell on the past (you can’t change it anyway), and don’t fret about tomorrow – plan for it.  Notice God’s gifts every single day.  Hear the birds, notice the colors of fall, smell the brisk air.  Hug your kids.  Always, hug your kids.  Teach them to be kind.  I want my girls to be smart and successful, but more than anything, I want them to be kind.  I want them to love God and to be thankful for what they have.  And whatever you do, do it well.  Take every opportunity to make someone’s day, whether it be helping unload groceries, or just calling someone to say hello.  Think about who you want to be…and be that person.

Peace….

Running and Being a Kid…

Kassie Jackie Me

My mind works in mysterious ways.  I can jump between subjects in a conversation faster than my listener can keep up.  In my head, I have gone from one thing to another, and it makes perfect sense.  To the average listener (or my husband), I am sure what comes out of my mouth seems completely random.  That’s how my mind was working last night.

The two ladies pictured with me are my very best friends, Jackie and Kassi.  We grew up three houses from one another (Jack and Kass are sisters), and have been through all the ups and downs of life together the past 35 years.  Wow.  35 years.   That’s a long time to maintain a friendship – how very blessed we are!

When I began this running journey, Jackie decided to join me.  Together we pushed beyond what we thought were our limits.  Together we crossed the finish line of our first half marathon holding hands.  Once we began building mileage, and our love affair with running began to be noticed by others, Kassi took up running.  She quickly built her endurance and speed, and the threesome was begun.  Where we used to run the streets of Tell City as obnoxious teens, we were now running as fit and not-so-obnoxious moms.  Our favorite and most sacred run was our Wednesday Night Religion Run.  Kassi’s and Jackie’s kids had religion every Wednesday night, so they had a free hour to run.  We met at St. Paul Church, and managed four to six miles.  We have run in bitter cold and sleet; we have run in rain; we have run in blistering heat.  There wasn’t much we let get in the  way of our ritual run.  When I was asked to join the church choir, and I said I couldn’t because I run on Wednesday nights when they practice, I was asked why I couldn’t just run another night.  Sorry, Wednesday Night Religion Run is a priority, and God understands because the word ‘religion’ is in the name of that particular run.

Because of my knee issues and eventual surgery, I had not been able to run on Wednesdays since late March or early April.  I desperately missed my friends.  On those runs we have laughed at our own stupid jokes (we get each other’s humor), and we have cried because of some trial one of us was facing.  We have almost gotten hit by cars, and we have cheered for ourselves at the end of a great run.  We have walked when one of us is tired or hurting, and we have sprinted when Jackie commands us to finish strong.  We talk about our kids, our loves, our jobs, our poop, our snot, and other not-to-be-blogged-about topics.  Do you understand why I would miss these runs?  Why I did not want to give them up?  But I had to heal.  I couldn’t keep up.

I began running again about three weeks ago.  I started out running a slow mile.  The next week I ran two and then three miles.  Last week I ran four miles, and finally on Sunday I ran five miles.  After thinking I was going to be starting from scratch, being able to run five miles was an absolute thrill.  Tuesday I took off for a run after school, and it was my first pain-free run in nearly a year.  I could feel the runner in me emerging, and she was ready!  I texted Jackie and Kassi, and told them I was ready for Wednesday.   On Wednesday, October 23, I ran the Wednesday Night Religion Run with my friends.  It felt amazing, and by that I don’t so much mean the run; I mean just being with my friends and talking and laughing.  I know I am not completely healed, and will have to be careful to not push too hard, but I now have hope that my running life will resume, and I will once again be running the streets of our fair town with my friends.

Here’s where the random thoughts run amok….I was driving home from my run, all giddy and emotional, and I thought about Kass and Jack.  I thought about how we get to reminisce about our childhood.  We played outside all through junior high and high school.  We played hide and seek in our neighborhood until we graduated, and we rode bikes, and did a few things we shouldn’t have done (that’s on the not-to-be-blogged-about list).  In the summer we sat in Kassi’s and Jackie’s backyard with Sun-In in our hair (or lemon juice), playing Scrabble.  On snow days we played Monopoly and watched movies or found a vacant hill upon which to sled.   Jackie taught Kassi and me how to drive (I was apparently a better student because Kassi was always running into something).  Kassi and I ate popcorn and watched the Love Boat on Saturday nights.  We got all of the neighborhood kids together and played truth or dare, or we just sat outside and threw rocks at the bats by the street lights (which doesn’t seem very smart now).  Thinking about all of this on my drive home, led me to wonder what today’s kids will store in their memories.  How many teens do you see ‘playing’ outside?  They are so wrapped up in video games and computers that I wonder what memories they will share with their friends?  I find that sad.   We had such a fun neighborhood, and most of us are still friends today.   That’s where my thoughts stopped – just wondering about kids today.  I hope they are making worthwhile memories and taking advantage of their young, healthy bodies.   I hope their only memories aren’t of avatars and shooting and stealing cars on some stupid video game.  I hope they can sit down and have an actual conversation with their friends and not purely rely on text messages.

And you?  You’re not too old to continue making wonderful memories with your friends and family.  Get out and do something with them.  Go for a hike and enjoy the beautiful fall foliage.  Play kickball or shoot hoops.  Step away from the TV and computer and really live.  You only have one shot at life; make it memorable!

Peace and Love…

This photo has nothing to do with my blog, except that he is my gorgeous grandson, and I plan to make lots of memories with him!

This photo has nothing to do with my blog, except that he is my gorgeous grandson, and I plan to make lots of memories with him!

I Ran Today…

…and I mean really ran!  The last time I blogged, which was not long ago, I was running a slow mile.  Today I ran five miles, without walking, at a 10:07 pace!!  I was pretty much to the point that I regretted my surgery, and felt I’d never be able to run again.  I just couldn’t accept that, so I kept plugging along.  That first week, I ran twice, a mile both times.  I was happy to do anything, but longed to run farther.

Last weekend my family was in Lake Tahoe, which just so happens to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.  The lake is just incredible, and the mountains and trees make a perfect backdrop.  The homes are all made of cedar or stone, and fit right into the landscape, and the air is crisp and clear.  And the one thing I wanted to do while we were in Tahoe was run.  Whenever I travel, I love to go out for a run because it’s such a great way to experience new places.  We miss so much when we just drive through new areas.  When we get out and run, we can take time to take in our surroundings, smell the fresh air, and embrace the opportunity to just be in the moment.  Because my knee still hurt and I hadn’t done any substantial running, I was afraid I would be unable to run while we were gone, but I was certainly going to try!

Friday morning Gary and I got up well before the crack of dawn to head out on a run.  It was 21 degrees – a brisk morning to say the least.   We had packed our cold-weather running gear, so we suited up and headed out.  It was dark, but we took off toward the lake.  As we were running along the main road that runs alongside Lake Tahoe, the sun began to emerge over the mountains.  Ahhhh….those are the moments I absolutely love.  We stopped to peer out over the lake, take in the scenery, and just thank God for the chance to experience his handiwork.  That morning, with my husband nearby, I ran just over two miles for the first time in months.  I ran those miles in Lake Tahoe.

The next morning, Gary was going to play golf with his son, so I planned to run on my own.  I waited until it was light, and took off along the same route.  This time, the sun glistened on the lake, and the snow-capped mountains shone in the background.  I was in awe.  I looked at the detail in the homes I passed, enjoyed the magnificent pine trees that claim this land as their own, and breathed in the cold, clean Tahoe air.  I didn’t run fast; I was really too busy taking in the beauty.  And there is the little issue with elevation.  I didn’t notice it being too much of an issue, but when we got back to Indiana, I noticed it was easier to breathe while running.  That morning, I ran three miles.  Three beautiful miles.  My knee was pretty sore when I stopped, but I really didn’t care.  I had run in one of the most beautiful places on earth.  What’s a little pain?

When I returned to Indiana, I wanted to be sure to continue to run.  I went out alone Wednesday after school.  My knee hurt.  A lot.  And I was angry.  I cursed as I limped along, and felt that I had, once again, taken several steps back.  I am not sure how far I ran that day, but I think it was between two and three miles.  Friday I tried it again.  My sister/friend Jackie was free, and I was determined to run with her.  We went out and ran four miles, with a bit of walking in between.  I cannot begin to express how wonderful it was to be back out pounding the pavement with my friend.   As much as I’ve missed running, I’ve missed my running friends even more.  I love these ladies, and life just didn’t seem right when I didn’t see them regularly.

Today, Sunday, was a picture-perfect running day.  By afternoon, it was in the 60s, and the sun was beckoning me to get out there and soak up its rays.  I went out with no real plan.  I had hoped to be able to run at least three miles, but I really just wanted to run and enjoy the day.  I had eaten two pieces of gooey butter cake and drank two diet soft drinks, which can often be a recipe for disaster (or at least stomach issues).  I put on my favorite playlist and my new shoes (Did I mention I bought myself some gorgeous new Asics?  New shoes can be very motivating.), and took off on one of my favorite routes.  My knee didn’t feel great, but when the little voice in my phone informed me that I had hit the first mile, and I had run it in 10:03, I just knew it was going to be a good day.  I began to tire in the third mile (I found I got out of running shape really fast), but I wanted to get to at least three miles without walking.  Once I got there, I decided to try to get to four miles without walking. I hadn’t yet done that, and knew it would be another major post-surgery accomplishment.  I was just about to the turn-off for four miles, when I decided to keep going.  I knew I could always stop and walk should it be necessary, so why not?  It was such a great day, and no one was home, so I had the time.  I kept going, and when I realized I could make it to five miles, I was ecstatic – almost to the point of tears.  Today, I ran five miles without stopping.  Today, I knew I was back.  Today, I thanked God for helping me heal, and for giving me the drive and determination to keep trying.  It would have been very easy to give up.  When I have tried to run and my knee hurt like hell, I could have easily given up running.  But I can’t.  Running has become part of who I am.  I love pushing myself to run just a little farther.  I love the feeling of accomplishment I have when finishing a run.   I love the time with my friends when we can talk about absolutely anything, and know it’ll go no further.  I love the time alone to process my thoughts and to remember how very blessed I am.  I love the calorie burn running provides.

Another thing I love is the support of the running/fitness community.  Without all of you, I might have given up.  The running/fitness community is an amazing group that supports the very best, and encourages everyone.  We get such a natural high from our fitness endeavors, and we want to share that with anyone who will listen to us.   When Gary and I began running, I kept expecting to quit.  I always had.  I would get on an exercise kick for a few weeks, and then just quit.  The past four and a half years have changed our lives.  It isn’t an exercise kick, it’s a lifestyle change.  I cannot imagine my life without fitness.  My running has led me to become a Zumba instructor, which I love, and most recently, a Tabata Bootcamp trainer.  Through running and fitness, we have made the best friends.  I am blessed to have my incredible husband by my side through all of this, and to have such amazing friends who have never given up on me.

Did I mention I ran five miles today?

Gotta Tabata!

I have a hundred things I need to do this evening, and writing isn’t really a necessity, but sometimes I just have something to say.  Combine that with time by myself, and I am going to write.  Surprisingly, I don’t plan to whine in this blog – not one bit.

This week I embarked on yet another fitness quest:  Tabata Bootcamp.  When the Everbody’s crew went to Atlanta this past summer, Gary and I went down a day early so that he could be certified to teach Spinning, and I could become a certified Tabata Bootcamp Trainer.  It seems odd to even write that as I am basically a wimp.  Putting the word ‘bootcamp’ in the same sentence as my name is somewhat of a contradiction of terms (kind of like putting the word ‘badass’ with my name, Missy!).  I have very little upper body strength; my abs are buried somewhere; and I am wimpy.  Something about the HIIT training (high intensity interval training) appealed to me, and I decided to step out of my comfort zone, which I seem to be doing a lot lately.

Tabata Bootcamp is not like a regular class that gym members can go to when the mood strikes.  It is an eight-week program to which participants must commit.  They have to register for a website, and will have assigned home workouts on days we don’t have class.  Despite the fact that I am not a morning person, I am meeting with my group on Mondays and Thursdays at 5:30 am.  I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t mind getting up this week.  I wasn’t thrilled when the alarm went off, but once I got to the gym, I was glad to be there.  Because of the format of the bootcamp, we have to limit the number of participants, so we have 16 bootcampers.  We have a really fun group, which also makes getting up before the crack of dawn bearable.  I have even run a mile (yes, that’s right, RUN) afterward.  I still have time to shower at the gym, and am at school at 7:00.  I am thrilled with the program, and anxious to see the results in eight weeks.  You know what I like?  I like pushing people to the point that they don’t think they have anything left, and they hate the sound of my voice, and then they do it!  Then, well then they usually thank me.   They still think bad thoughts about me, but they also accomplished a huge goal.  Pretty badass, huh?

I am also stepping out of my comfort zone (pretty soon there will be no zone!) and swimming.  I stink at swimming.  I don’t breathe correctly, so I wear myself out before I get to the end of the pool, but I am learning.  Our school’s wellness program is hosting lap swimming for staff members every Thursday.  I hope if I keep it up, I will become a stronger swimmer.  Senior Olympics, maybe?  I really enjoy it, and when I get tired, I just grab a kickboard and work my legs.

Saturday is the Evansville Half Marathon.   While I am sad that I won’t be running this year (I am not whining; I am stating a fact.), I can’t wait to watch some newbies finish their first half marathon!  I know what an amazing feeling that is, and I look forward to being there to cheer them across the finish line.  A couple of ladies from our Biggest Loser team, Danielle and Michelle, will be running their first.  I think Mary might also be running, but I am not certain.  My friend Emily Miller will be running her first half marathon, and I am so excited for her!  She has lost a bunch of weight in the past year, and has become a great runner in a very short time.  I know how thrilled she is, and am blessed to be able to share her moment with her.  Our friend Scott just started running in the spring, and he is now ready for 13.1.  He started losing weight in January, and after being pretty sedentary, has become an athlete.  Wow.   I know there are several other Tell City runners who will be pounding the pavement, and we will be there to support them as they run toward that almighty finish line.

And, of course, there’s my husband.  He has run several half marathons, but I am anxious to see how he does because he has really cross-trained, and I just know he’ll have a great race.  Last time he ran a race without me, I was a baby.  We were in Norfolk on a gorgeous summer morning, and I wanted to be running so badly that I just couldn’t enjoy his race.  I wasn’t very nice.  Saturday, I am going to be nice.  Promise.  And since I am going with Caroline, it’d be hard to be in a bad mood!   Good Luck to all of the Tell City/Perry County Runners this weekend!  I know there is a bunch of you, so I won’t even attempt to name everyone.

Shout Out Time!  Kim Oliva ran a mile without stopping for the first time ever before dawn, after Bootcamp, this morning!!  She will be hooked now.  If not, I hope she knows how persuasive I can be.  I will drag her butt out after our morning kickass workout, and we will run.   Me?  I ran a mile very slowly twice this week.  It’s a start.  My IT band hurt afterward, but I can walk, so it’s all good!  It is going to take time, lots of time, to work back up to some decent mileage, but I won’t give up.

What have you done lately that you never thought you’d try?  Do something new.  Step outside that stupid box.  What’s the worst that could happen?  You’d actually like it?  Or you wouldn’t like it?  At least you’d know.   Your body can do some pretty amazing things – test it out!  Need help?  There are a whole bunch of us willing to help!

Just What I Was Afraid Of

About four and a half years ago, Gary and I began running and our journey toward fitness and a healthier lifestyle.  For the first several months, I worried that I would quit because that’s what I had always done.  I would get excited about exercise, and then after a few weeks, I would skip a workout, and then another, and soon I just gave it up altogether.  Only four years ago, I didn’t stop.  I kept running until soon I could run 13.1 miles.  I kept running, and friends joined me.  I kept running, and began having others ask for my advice.  We also biked and did some other at-home workouts, and after a couple years, I added Zumba to my workout routine.  Fast forward to Summer 2013, and Gary and I are both instructors at Everbody’s Fitness.  Heck, we two used-to-be-out-of-shape-middle-aged-non-athletes even attended – and survived – a fitness conference.  And now it’s stopped.

Four and a half years later and I am totally struggling with motivation.  We are still coaching a Biggest Loser team, but I need it as much as our team members.  I am back to teaching Zumba, but there are five other days in the week I am not exercising.  Oh, I have excuses.  We have been crazy busy with Addison’s golf and band, and I have a new teaching position this year that is keeping me incredibly busy.  But realistically, I feel worthless.  After my surgery, I was unable to exercise for a few weeks, and that quickly got me out of the habit of making time to workout.  I still can’t do what I really want to do, which is run, so I just don’t do anything.  Every day I tell myself that tomorrow I will do a DVD I bought at the conference, and every day I find some lame reason to avoid it.  Each day I say that the following day I will eat better.  I usually have those little discussions with myself after I’ve seen the number increase on the scale or when I put on a skirt or pants that are too tight.  That seems to be happening a lot.

As I was teaching Zumba last Tuesday night, reality stared me in the face; I was in a mirrored studio for 45 minutes.  All I could see was my once-toned-now-flabby belly and the love handles that are making a repeat appearance.  I worked my ass off that night, and have done nothing since.  Next week I begin teaching Tabata Bootcamp.  I have my group of 15 participants, but I don’t know if they all realize that they will be helping me as much as I help them.  I am going to be working that bootcamp just the same as all of them, and I hope it’s just what I need to get my head back in the game.

I still question whether or not I will be able to run again.  I guess only time will tell.  The thought of starting over from the beginning is something I find nauseating.  It took years to gain the endurance and speed (I use that term lightly) I was finally proud of, and only a few months to lose it completely.  I haven’t had a good run since early April.  I so envy all those who are training for the Evansville Half Marathon, a race I PR’d at last fall.  My husband will be running, and several of our friends will be running their first half marathons that day, so I plan to be at the finish line cheering them on.  I have to admit, though (and my husband can attest to this), the last time I did this it didn’t go so well.  I was so depressed that I wasn’t running that I couldn’t enjoy the race at all.  I was actually a big baby.  I can’t say that I won’t be a little (or extremely) sad, but I will be equally proud of those who thought they’d never run a 13.1, and will cross that line.  I remember my first time…it was incredible!

I don’t share this blog for sympathy or accolades.  I share it because I want everyone who is struggling to know that we all struggle at some point.  Even those of us who have been working at this whole fitness thing for a long time have days when we want to eat every sweet and every chip we see.  We have days we go through Walmart and shop in the middle (supposedly the healthy foods are all on the perimeter of the store).  We have days we eat pancakes, sausage, eggs, and fried potatoes for supper (well, it was really good).  And then we suck it up and get back to business.  It’s time for me to suck it up.  It’s time for me stop sucking it in.  Tomorrow.  I’ll start tomorrow.

Two Steps Forward, Three Weeks Back

When I talked with the nurse to schedule my knee surgery, she told me I would be able to run after four weeks.  When I questioned my doctor right before surgery, he confirmed what the nurse had said.  At my post-op appointment, the orthopedic nurse practitioner also said I could run after four weeks (Gary was there, and also heard this).   I actually rested more than was recommended.  I was told that after two weeks I could bike, do the elliptical, and begin doing some easy workouts.  I chose to continue to rest, and the only exercise I tried was walking.  I walked about twice a week.  I have been determined to recover fully so I can get back to doing everything I love.

Yesterday morning, I went to town to walk.  I had decided that since it had been four weeks (okay, I was two days early, but really, two days wouldn’t have made a difference), I was going to attempt to run a little.  I was alone, so I didn’t have to worry about keeping up with anyone, or making anyone stop because I couldn’t do it.  I walked my favorite route, which includes the River Walk, a one-mile stretch along the Ohio.  My plan was to run that stretch.  I have to admit, as I approached  my starting spot, I began to get really nervous.  I had no idea what to expect, but gosh, I wanted to run.

I got to the starting line, and slowly began to run.  It hurt.  My knee felt tight, and it just felt awkward.  I was going at a snail’s pace, and though it wasn’t comfortable, I thought that since it was my first run since surgery, that was probably to be expected.  I made it the full mile; it wasn’t pretty and it certainly felt awful, but I did it.  And then I limped another mile and a half back to my car.  I don’t think I was ready.

Throughout the next hour, my limp became more obvious, and my IT band throbbed.  Crap.  I went home, propped my leg, and iced.  Since that time, my knee has felt like it did one week after surgery.  I can’t walk without a heavy limp, and any sort of twist or quick move makes me cringe.  So for those few steps of forward running, I set myself back three weeks.  While I was icing, I searched for some info via Google.  I found a woman’s blog, and she had had the same type of surgery.  She had physical therapy after, and was not released to run for eight weeks.  I am not sure why our post-op advice was so different, but I know that I won’t be attempting a run for a few more weeks.

What now?  I am going to get on my trusty bike, though today even that sounds painful.  I might hit the gym and try my least favorite machine, the elliptical.  I had planned to go back to Zumba September 16, but I don’t even know if that’s possible.  I was originally told I could begin teaching within four weeks, but I am not even close to being ready to squat, jump, shimmy, or twist.  I have to find something that works because I’ve also found that not exercising leads me to eating more crap.  Burgers, pizza, and sweets have been my good friends the past month.  I know it’s bad, heck, I went to nutrition classes while we were in Atlanta, but I have no self-control.  As I type this, a plate that once had three cinnamon rolls on it sits beside me.  They were good.

My husband and friends are training for fall half marathons, and I so wish I were training with them.  I just hope that I can eventually run again because after yesterday, I really question whether I will ever run again.  It was that bad.   Do I regret surgery?  Right now, yes.  My hope is that in a few months I will look back and see this as just a little hurdle.

Run a mile for me!  I’ll eat a cinnamon roll for you!

 

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries